schlitzcrime

The "friend." Every red-blooded, healthy woman has one…THIS guy is always in the background, the fellow who either she has grown up with for an unspecified amount of time, works with and enjoys the platonic time with him or someone she has established a bond with at some point and feels compelled to keep talking to him for advice on the losers she keeps dating, including you, buddy ol' pal. Look across the room at her; at some point this week she has bitched about you to this "friend" and he has complacently told her to hang in there, to your favor, sure, but his benevolent advice to her counts for brownie points in the long run. She tru

Where do I start? See, for a man, we operate on basic, idealistic fundamentals. Don't fuck with my family. Don't fuck with my money. Don't touch this (points to dvd collection). I'm grabbing alone time (grabbing a gun catalog and heads to bathroom)... We're simple creatures of habit. So, one day I'm listening to coworkers yacking on about someone's wife had slept (well, rather, fucked ) one of his buddies and it dawned on me: There's always two weenies. That was it! A fundamental secret of the Universe revealed! Once you accept it, you can move on to other pressing issues of your life at the moment. Concentrate on that deck and wetbar in